For Friendship and for Sisterhood!!… For My Amaka!

Ok so it’s Osai Jasmine Chiamaka’s birthday.

I really don’t think I want to make a habit of writing birthday shout-outs on my blog because its more like a very sacred place for me but I wouldn’t mind sharing it with people that honestly mean a lot to me.

December 15 is one special date and so is the 23rd of February going to be every year!

I have butterflies in my stomach writing this because I don’t think words would be able to express how I basically feel right now.

We may have our differences most certainly but we’d always be the two girls that are skinny together! Pretty together, lovely together, look-a likes if you may say but what the hell I’m cuter! 😉

I love you today and I’d love you even more tomorrow and even in the future!

You’ve been there for me when I was sad. I’ve been there for you when you’ve also been sad and we’ve always had our ways of helping each other and that’s something special and very dear to my heart!

Anybody can say what they want to say but all I want to you know is that you’re always going to be that cute little chubby girl who i met in “Children Church” about some 8, 9 years ago and you’re still here today!

I promise I’d be a better friend, please forgive my excesses. I wish I was perfect enough!

Today you’re older and you’re legal. I’d respect you!

And I honestly wish you even more things than I wish myself!

Do the right and leave the wrong!

The Maker King shower His endearing love on you ceaselessly.

Because of you “Prof.” Osai is blessed, Deaconess Osai isn’t left behind in all the blessing!

Jason, Jable, Jade and Judah would always have you to love and you’d also have ’em too!

I love you!

Happy Birthday!! 🙂

‘Dinma

The Story Within the story! :(

 

Is it wrong to be me, to be human? To be confused almost every time truth being I already know the right thing to do but I never get to do it.

Well Sandra is a woman, a woman in her prime, a lady of finesse. She is not a woman to be approached in any kinda rough manner if not a “bitch slap” awaits thee. She’s 25 and she owns and manages her  own company and even other people’s businesses too.

While growing up she had issues, she was pretty and mean but she was really a nice sweet young lady beamed up with aggression because of a wicked past.  She watched her family, most especially her father struggle so many times and she wasn’t a very optimistic person to deal with that. She had no past to look backwards to, she forgot them dutifully. She had no past to smile to because she was sad and had sad memories.

Although not so often, her parents would argue and fight but it hurt her the most because she would see movies that painted a picture perfect relationship which she herself had never come to enjoy. Maybe because she tried to live those movies and did she not fail oh so woefully. She was tagged as “proud” and she couldn’t even control it herself!!

Nobody knew her business, she was secretive and sad, her mother told her every time!

She was a sad Sanguine. At a point she wanted to avoid humans, she was different, not happy but she didn’t want to be noticed for that.

She wasn’t physically or sexually abused, her abuse was psychological. Her mother cried, her father was sweet but they never really understood her. she thought they thought of her as bad like the others!

She let what she felt accumulate into this mound of rubbish. She wasn’t easy and open to change. Why? She couldn’t explain. She wanted to do the wrong to satisfy this exuberance but she never wanted to see her mama cry!!

“Me reading this I’m sad because she’s me, she’s living my life. Now I am Lovelyn and I’m a workaholic and a self-esteem that lies beneath the earth’s surface and I hide this by being mean and stiff. I use my intellectual prowess to cover the aching of my heart that’s if I have any. There’s a hole,  a big black one that needs to be filled.

But first I have to right my wrongs and carry on with the rights I do!

But the first step is being right with the Maker King.

It’s still

‘Dinma!

 

I know it’s quite an old song but I recently re-downloaded K’naan and Nelly Furtado’s- Is anybody out there? And yes it speaks to me and I wrote this listening it

Well, it’s the season of love again! I mean Valentine’s Day is a big deal and we basically don’t need to have any motivation to want to celebrate this!

We all want all the roses, teddies, chocolates, cakes and all that!

But what’s the essence of all this when you basically don’t feel anything. No true love just emotions especially for us who really suffer this! Well the pursuit for the good things of the world hasn’t still covered the gap in my heart.

Its predictable enough that I don’t sound happy! I’m getting gifts for sure I mean if nobody gets me anything I’d get something for myself 😉

But what I really don’t understand is why happiness has just been a charade to me.

I spoke to a friend about this a few days ago and I told him something! I told him I couldn’t feel what I wanted to feel and I thought he’d ask me what I wanted to feel but he didn’t ask me what I wanted to feel!

What do I want to see and feel??

All I want is….

I want to feel what I felt some 2 years ago.

But something’s changed all of a sudden. I was so excited I spoke to this special someone before posting this. Well I had a talk with this person who told me that he really didn’t see the point of celebrating or believing in a mythical figure who may not even have existed so much so in the bible. Well I had to ask myself if it wasn’t the same story with the whole Christmas thing!

Yes Jesus was born and did it have to be December 25^th and how did “Santa” step into the picture?

I’m indifferent. Is it all vanity again or us humans being gullible again expecting compulsory gifts from lovers and too much hype?!

Please explain to me.

And Anyway,

Still

Forever His ‘Dinma